Never had a massage? Start here.
I’ve mused for a while about writing a short book called, “How to get a massage.” The idea being that as a long-time massage therapist I could share my own journey with bodywork and also the perspective of a therapist who has worked with many different clients. Maybe someday I’ll get to that, but for now, here are a few important things I’d love to share with you if you have never had a massage or other professional bodywork.
It’s absolutely normal to be both nervous and excited. Touch is a powerful sensory experience and many of us have complex relationships with touch. I encourage you to tell your therapist that it is your first massage or bodywork session. They want to know so they can support you however you need to make it a positive experience.
If you are receiving a session where you are asked to undress and get under a towel or sheet, it is up to you as to which clothing you remove and which you leave on. You can ask your massage therapist about this, they would be happy to discuss the options with you. Some people feel comfortable fully undressed, others prefer to leave on some or all of their undergarments. Sometimes it depends on the session and what the goals are. There is no right or wrong answer. But if you are confused or concerned definitely talk to the therapist. We love to discuss how we work and want to put you at ease!
When it is possible, I would suggest booking with a massage therapist in private practice. Chances are they are more experienced (not always) and if they know in advance that you have never had bodywork they may be able to schedule more time (I always do!) for your session so that there is plenty of time for questions and addressing any concerns or worries you may have. A therapist at a spa or other third-party business may not have this flexibility.
Tell your therapist about your fears, concerns, expectations and hopes for the session. Why are you there? Is there anything you are self-conscious about? (A common one for women is not shaving. Believe me when I say that whether a body part is shaved or not barely registers with me anymore. The last thing I want to do is judge. That is the exact opposite reason I do this work. In fact I do this work to practice compassion and acceptance of all bodies and all people.) Lay it on the line. Talking about our bodies and physical processes is taboo in our culture. But massage therapists work with bodies all day long. We have seen and heard it all and you are not going to freak us out. And if we don’t know about something, or something is outside of our scope of practice, we’ll tell you and can offer suggestions for other forms of support and care.
YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR BODY. IF YOU DON’T LIKE SOMETHING OR YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE SPEAK UP. It is your session. Although massage therapists understand bodies and how they work, you are the expert on YOU and YOUR BODY. You are always the best person to decide if something is beneficial. With regard to pressure, don’t let the therapist decide what you need. Ask yourself, is this a pleasant sensation and could it be better? If it could, tell your therapist. They can help you uncover what it is might need to be adjusted. Generally my gauge is, as long as you are breathing in a relaxed manner I am comfortable with using deeper pressure. Once you start to hold your breath, we’ve gone too far. By all means do not stay quiet if a massage is painful or uncomfortable. Painful sensations are not therapeutic. Let the breath be your guide. Although your massage therapist is trained and hopefully has much experience with “reading” a body we do not always get it right. It’s important that you tell us when we are missing something. I am always disappointed when I see a client who tells me about a negative experience with bodywork because it hurt, was too deep, or they came away bruised or more in pain.
Although it should go without saying, massage therapy and bodywork are not sexwork. Period. This being said, sometimes the body has unconscious physical reactions to touch. Men might experience mild erections. Women can get aroused too, it’s just not so physically observable. Arousal of sexual feelings is a normal response to touch. However, the bodywork studio is a place to explore the non-sexual sensations in the body. The most important thing to understand is that your therapist and you have entered into this relationship with the agreement that this is a safe, non-sexual space. That boundary is essential and crossing it is illegal. Sadly, many massage therapists ,including myself, and massage clients have been the victims of sexual predators. I have a zero-tolerance policy for any sexual innuendo or solicitation.
All massage therapists should treat every client with sensitivity to trauma. It is up to you whether you want to share any past history of trauma with your therapist. But if you do not feel respected or listened to or safe in a session, then that therapist is not right for you. (And if you feel like the therapist crossed a line or hurt you, you should file a report with their licensing board.)
If you do not feel safe or comfortable discussing things important to your care and well being with your massage therapist, then they may not be the right therapist for you. Sometimes you have to shop around. Also, even if you grow to love your massage therapist, it can be fun to try working with someone new. Each therapist has different skills and you will learn something new about your body. I have several massage therapists I see, each with different skill sets. I choose which one to see depending on what I am dealing with and what I am looking for in a session. Some I go to because I know their work will deeply nurture and comfort me. Others I see for specific techniques related to my physical well-being and comfort. They are all amazing. Feel free to ask me who I see, if you want to try someone new! 💙
