Why I don’t like the question “What kind of pressure do you want?”

Sometimes when you book a massage session you will be asked to choose what kind of pressure you are looking for. You may even pay more for deeper pressure! I think this approach is counterproductive to building a healthier relationship between mind and body. And here’s why.

First, and most obviously, pressure is entirely subjective. When I touch someone, one person might register the pressure I am using as deep, while another person might register the exact same touch as light. Pressure can be measured by a therapist objectively by the layers of tissue that are engaged during a session. So, if I am only sinking into the outermost layers of tissue, for example the skin and outer layers of fat and fascia, this could be considered light pressure. And if I sink into the superficial muscle tissue, that could be classified as slightly deeper pressure. Sinking into the deeper muscles, even deeper. And so on. But this has very little to do with client sensation, because often there are areas in the body where we want deeper pressure into the muscle tissue and other areas where our bodies ask for lighter touch. It is very common to want different levels of pressure on different areas of the body. Many people find they appreciate deeper pressure on their backs, and less pressure on the backs of their legs.

This leads me to the more important issue here. Sensation is an experience of presence. It is a momentary experience that can only be judged IN THE MOMENT. Sensation also belongs to the experience of the body. We know that the mind registers sensation differently based on many different factors. When you are tense and scared, sensation is experienced much differently by the mind than when you are calm and at ease. This is the case when the pressure objectively remains the same.

So, asking someone what level of pressure they want and need prior to a session when they are not actively experiencing the sensation is meaningless when it comes to working with how to listen to our bodies. It actually is counter-productive because it reinforces our mind’s ideas about what our bodies need as opposed to actually allowing our bodies to tell us in the moment.

Bottom line, you can’t know what kind of pressure is right for your body until your body experiences it. When we preordain pressure, it sets up a scenario where both the therapist and client are not working together IN THE MOMENT with the body and sensation. They are working with a predetermined playbook about what the body needs. It’s hard to let go of what our minds tell us our bodies need. I can’t tell you how often clients tell me, when I ask them about sensation, “It’s good, but you can go deeper if you want.” What I want is irrelevant. We need to be working together to help you discover what you are noticing and sensing and how to translate the messages from your body. Sometimes clients will ask me to go deeper to “fix” a sensation. Here is a secret for you: No massage can “fix” spasming, inflamed or cramping muscle. Bodywork can definitely help facilitate an environment for your body to resolve them. But spasms, cramps and inflammation are largely due to chemical processes in the body; and the body alone must undertake the chemical processes to relieve them. And often those chemical processes are largely hindered or helped by the state of our central nervous system, aka our mind.

Because many of us experience chronic discomfort, and discomfort is interpreted in our culture as a failing, or a problem to be solved, we sometimes approach it aggressively. We try to get rid of the discomfort as quickly as possible. I get this. Discomfort is not pleasant, so of course we want to stop it. But we are missing crucial messages. Many of us ignore our bodies until the discomfort we sense becomes very loud. Then it becomes so distracting that we just want it to end, whatever we have to do to make that happen. Bodywork can help us learn to tune into our bodies more and begin to hear messages from our bodies before our bodies have to scream at us. If you have ever had someone ignore you when you are trying to tell them something until you go ballistic, you can understand this concept easily. Isn’t it lovely when they then say, “Geez, you don’t have to get so mad.” This is essentially what our minds do to our bodies. We ignore them when they whisper and then when they yell, we get frustrated and angry. “Why is my body so angry?” we might say.

If you recognize yourself, you’re not alone. I do this work because I struggle with this too. And since I work with my body every day and ask it to do so much for me I HAVE to try to remember to listen and not just ask of it. Being human with a big, beautiful consciousness and brain makes disconnection from the body a normal part of being alive. But it has consequences.. The mind can be a bit of bully. And so my goal in working with you is to help bring the relationship of our minds with our bodies into a more healthy and joyful place. Let’s be friends with our bodies. Let’s listen a little bit more. Let’s let our bodies lead sometimes. Let’s start a dialogue with out bodies and let our bodies tell us what they want. We are on the same team. 💙